My Confession

I have been teaching the Gospels this year for Elevate Ministry School, and it has been an interesting journey sharing about the early church fathers. There was one historical figure who struck a chord and I liked what he wrote and I could relate to his life.

“How late I came to love oh Beauty so ancient and fresh, You were in me when I had gone outside to seek you, and always You were with me, but I was not with You. You called, You cried, You shattered my deftness, You sparkled, You blazed, You drove away my blindness. You shed your fragrance and I drew in my breath and I pant for You, I tasted and now I hunger and thirst. You touched me and now I burn, longing for Your peace.” -St. Augustine

St. Augustine is known for his works Confessions and City of God, he was a large influence on theology especially on western Christianity. He had an amazing conversion experience and his approach to Christian thought and writing would look a lot like modern Christian worship songs; a rare idea in his day.

This week I had an "Augustinian-Moment" if you would want to call it that. I was driving home with my wife, she was sleeping in the passenger seat and my son was asleep in his car seat, as I was listening to Hillsong United on Pandora.

We were almost home when I prayed a short prayer, "God please give me the energy to be a good dad and husband tonight." It was then when I heard that audible-but-not-so-audible voice of God, "That was the first time I heard you pray for your family like that."

It was as if time slowed down (or I was at a traffic light) and I started to think to myself that I need to pray more prayers like that.

We then pulled into the driveway and it was back to the routine; change and feed the little guy while Marisa prepares dinner.

I didn't think much of my "moment" in the car that evening, not even when my wife thanked me for spending so much time with Keane and helping her out throughout the night.

No, it didn't hit me until I was sharing a video to the class about the life of Augustine, that I remembered how God answered my prayers and gave me energy to be a better dad and a better husband that night.

How many prayers have I prayed to get,

when I should have been praying more prayers to give.